Bad Cheli! Bad, Bad Cheli!
by Hecate-Mahadevi
Summary: *Now complete!* First installment in the OH MY GOD WHAT IS SHE DOING TO STARGATE series. More to come, unfortunately. Please read, review, and try not to throw anything too heavy at my head ::ducks::
1. Chapter One

**CHAPTER ONE I'M A BAD, BAD PERSON  
**

  
It was a woman's voice, powerful and commanding. We must have words!  
  
Daniel turned to look, and was greeted by the sight of an Amazon, beautiful and, for some reason, elfin-looking. Maybe it was the long, pointed ears.  
  
**How dare you, mortal!** Klorel snarled, whirling to face her. **Who are you?!**  
  
My name is Kali, she answered. Remember it well, Kloroform, for it is the name of your doom.  
  
**I will destroy you for your insolence!** he bellowed, raising his palm toward her.  
  
Silence, Kloramine! Kali barked, and he obeyed her, seeming shocked. She took a deep breath and produced a strip of paper from somewhere, then concentrated on the Goa'uld standing before her.  
  
Why, that's an _ofuda_! Marie observed, surprised. Sailomars uses those to—  
  
Kali closed her eyes and began chanting. She opened her eyes and glared at Klorel. _Akuryou Taisan_!! she intoned, flinging the card.  
  
It stuck to Klorel's forehead as if magnetised. His eyes widened in shock for an instant, then twisted shut as he screamed in agony. He staggered backward and fell on the sand, still voicing his pain. Tendrils of light shot from his body. Then he lay still.  
  
The strange woman walked over to the body and knelt by it. Daniel saw the young man's eyelids open and knew immediately that it was Skaara once again. Kali leaned over him, as if expecting something, then was roughly grabbed by the boy and kissed soundly. After a few moments, Kali broke away and helped him sit up.  
  
Beautiful goddess Skaara whispered in his native tongue. You _must_ be a goddess! A _real_ one! II would do anything for you  
  
How about being my love slave? she asked, smiling.  
  
His face straightened. Love slave? I don't know what that means.  
  
She patted him on the shoulder. You'll learn. The two of them rose and walked away.  
  


——————  


  
Daniel awoke with a shock. Agh! What—what was that!? He shook himself briefly. A—a dream, he muttered. His heart was racing. A damn realistic dream, too. _God_, that was weird!  
  
There was a pounding on his door, followed by the shouting of an irate-sounding Colonel O'Neill. Daniel, get your ass out of bed! We get briefed for our mission in half an hour!  
  
Half an—!! Dr. Jackson looked at the clock on the nightstand. The red LED display read 10:03. Then he caught his breath, surprised. I couldn't swear before. How come—  
  
O'Neill bellowed.  
  
Right, I'm coming! Sorry about that! He hastily pulled on fatigues over his boxers, grabbed his glasses from the nightstand, and opened the door. Colonel O'Neill looked ready to explode.  
  
God, Jack, I'm really sorry, Daniel said as they hustled through the halls. I must have overslept. I—I was having this really vivid dream, and—  
  
Save it for later. General Hammond's adding a new member to SG-1.  
  
Daniel asked, stopping in his tracks.  
  
You heard me. Come _on_! The archaeologist was grabbed by the elbow and hurried on.  
  


——————  


  
Daniel scarfed down the last of his toast as he stepped into the briefing room. Captain Carter was already there, along with Teal'c and General Hammond, as well as an unfamiliar woman. Her face was Asian in appearance, and she had dark red hair that was neatly tied back in a utilitarian ponytail. He stared at her for a moment; he was sure he had seen her somewhere before. Maybe in a dream.  
  
O'Neill entered the room after Dr. Jackson and strode quickly to his seat. Daniel did likewise, forcing himself to look away from the new woman, lest he seem creepy and over-curious.  
  
Nice of you to join us this morning, Dr. Jackson, General Hammond said with approximately one-eighth of a smile. I've brought you all here to announce that a fifth person will be joining the SG-1 team. This is Marie Onosaka. He gestured to the woman as she stood up to shake hands with those around the table.  
  
But—why do we need another member? Daniel asked before he could stop himself. Weren't the four of us doing a good enough job?  
  
The General took a deep breath as he considered the archaeologist. So far, the work SG-1 has done has been highly admirable. You have, in fact, received commendation from the President himself. It is not because of any inadequacy that a new member is being added to SG-1. Rather, Ms. Onosaka is joining for reasons that will be revealed to you all in due course.  
  
Captain Carter frowned slightly. In due course? You're not going to tell us now? That hardly seems normal.  
  
Marie turned to the General. Uncle Ge—oh, um, I mean, Gen—  
  
Captain Carter repeated. With all due respect, sir, you can't put her on SG-1 just because she's your niece!  
  
General Hammond sighed. That is not why she's joining SG-1. I told you before, you will be informed when the need arises. You are assigned to visit the world P4X-718 at fourteen-hundred hours today. Dismissed. He stood up and left the room.  
  
Colonel O'Neill, Captain Carter, and Dr. Jackson exchanged three and a half glances around the table. Teal'c, looking away, was not receptive to the glance sent in his direction, and it bounced off the side of his head and fell to the floor with a slight clatter.  
  
Daniel said, attempting to initiate conversation. what do you do?  
  
She flashed him three-quarters of a smile. With a slight toss of her head, she said dramatically, am a librarian.  
  
he said. Part of him thought she was absolutely gorgeous; another part chastised him for daring to look at a woman other than Sha'uri. But Sha'uri was dead now. She was gone. She would never know. But still—  
  
Marie studied Daniel, appearing to read the expression on his face. Her face grew solemn, and she looked away from him, seeming apologetic.  
  
Colonel O'Neill said, clasping his hands in front of him, let's find out something about the planet we're going to today. Captain Carter, you have the probe data?  
  
Yes, here, she said, producing a folder. There's some stuff on the computer we should look at, too.  
  


——————  


  
Carter scanned the screen before her. Well, it says a breathable atmosphere. Kind of hot and dry, but not inhospitable to humans.  
  
So we can go there? O'Neill asked.  
  
The captain sent him a look. Then she turned to Daniel. I think you should see the video the probe sent back, she said, nudging him. She hit a few keys on her keyboard and brought up a movie file. It showed sand stretching in all directions, and as the camera crested a dune, they were greeted by a view of a dusty valley, full of toppled and semi-toppled pillars, with a large statue half-buried in the sand. There was a dark pyramid in the distance with four obelisks around it.  
  
Daniel felt his heart skip a beat. My God, it looks just like Abydos!  
  
It's not Abydos, Captain Carter told him. We're sure of that.  
  
We know that the Goa'uld took ancient humans to many different planets, Teal'c observed. It is possible that people of similar cultural background may have colonised more than one planet.  
  
Yeah, it looks like that's the case, Daniel said, only half-listening to his Jaffa friend. He was straining his eyes, trying to identify the dark stone statue from the fuzzy image the probe's camera had sent back. Are there any better images of that statue?  
  
Captain Carter said. Let's see. She fast-forwarded partway through the video feed, then let it play. The probe had gone closer to the statue, but unfortunately, the camera was not aiming up, so the top of the statue was cut off by the screen.  
  
Daniel muttered. Back it up a little.  
  
Carter obligingly did so, reversing the video to the point before the probe had approached the statue so closely. The head was visible.  
  
Stop it there! Daniel said. As the video paused, he took a good look at the statue. It was definitely carved from some black stone, and looked very old and weathered. Though the bottom third was buried in the sand, he could tell it was intended to be a man with a jackal head. he cried.  
  
Captain Carter looked up at him. An Egyptian god, right?  
  
The Ancient Egyptian god of death, mummification, and judgment, Marie said before Daniel could answer. I have to admit, I have a very bad feeling about this.  
  
Don't we all, O'Neill said.  
  
Teal'c spoke up. Perhaps a Goa'uld who called himself Anubis visited this planet, and the natives erected this statue in honour of him. There could still be Goa'uld there. We will have to be cautious.  
  
well, it's not exactly like that Marie demurred. It's a different sort of bad feeling.  
  
What sort of bad feeling? Carter asked.  
  
Marie shrugged. I—I can't really describe it. I guess we'll just have to be really careful, like Teal'c said.  
  
Captain Carter smiled slightly. Woman's intuition, perhaps she murmured.  
  


——————  


  
The members of SG-1 were geared up and ready to go five minutes before 1400, so they stood in the embarcation room and chatted with Marie. Daniel found her very interesting for some reason he couldn't put his finger on. The two of them did share some common interests, such as linguistics and ancient cultures. Marie explained to him that she had studied a little archaeology, but was not very deeply immersed in it; she had dabbled in many different fields rather than specialising in just one.  
  
I took a whole bunch of social science and natural science courses in college, and I read a lot and watch movies. I have a lot of bits of knowledge on many different subjects, but not a great deal of knowledge on any one thing. Okay, maybe that's not the case for everything. But my point is, I like to think of myself as a sort of jill-of-all-trades.  
  
What other languages do you speak? Captain Carter asked.  
  
Besides English, I speak fluent Japanese, German, and Spanish. I have a decent knowledge of Korean and Mandarin Chinese, and I recently started studying Arabic and Hindi.  
  
Colonel O'Neill whistled. That's a lot. He glanced at Daniel. So does she overlap your area of expertise at all?  
  
Not really, Daniel replied. I'm more focused on ancient languages. I do speak Greek, though.  
  
Are you fluent in any ancient languages? Marie queried, her dark eyes bright with interest.  
  
Uh—yeah. I speak Latin and Ancient Egyptian, and I can read cuneiform; I know enough bits of various Mesopotamian languages to make sense of it.  
  
She smiled brilliantly. That's really cool.  
  
Gee, uh, thanks he muttered, feeling stupidly pleased. What was it about her?  
  
General Hammond's voice came over the speaker system. All right, SG-1. You've got a green light. As he finished, the iris on the Stargate opened and the great wheel began turning.  
  
Marie watched in silence as the wormhole formed, and Daniel noticed how pale she looked in the eerie blue light. A-are you going to be all right? he asked.  
  
She looked over at him, eyes wide. Y-yeah. I'll be fine.  
  
You sure?  
  
She took a deep breath and watched Colonel O'Neill, Captain Carter, and Teal'c step through the Stargate. Yeah. I mean, I've really wanted to do this, but now that I'm actually about to go through, I'm so nervous. I mean, does it hurt or anything?  
  
He shook his head. It doesn't hurt, _per se_, but it is kind ofuncomfortable. If—if you want, I could hold your hand and we could go through together.  
  
She smiled wanly. Thanks, Daniel.  
  
A slight tingle went through him as he clasped her delicate hand in his. Her skin was cool, and ever-so-soft. They walked up to the Stargate, and Marie glanced at him.  
  
On three, he said.   
  
They stepped through the Stargate.


	2. Chapter Two

**CHAPTER TWO LET'S SEE JUST HOW MANY CROSSOVERS I CAN DO IN A SINGLE CHAPTER  
**

  
Daniel looked around. The air was hot and arid; the desert sun beat down on them from above. It was sandy as far as the eye could see; in the distance stood a black pyramid, with four obelisks placed at the corners. There were dark clouds above it, and lightning occasionally flashed down to strike one of the obelisks.  
  
Now that's really weird, he said.  
  
Marie asked.  
  
He pointed. That pyramid in the distance. See those clouds above it? That's not normal desert weather. I can't help but wonder why it's like that.  
  
Her eyes widened and her mouth opened in an expression of horrified surmise. Oh, my God. I think I know what that is.  
  
  
  
She shook her head vigourously. I don't want to say. I really hope that I'm wrong.  
  
Dr. Jackson! Ms. Onosaka! Are you coming? Colonel O'Neill called from the ground.  
  
Uh—yeah! Sorry, Daniel responded. Let's go. He took a step, then stopped. Why are we still holding hands?  
  
Marie looked surprised, and slanted pink lines appeared across her cheeks. Um. I don't know. Sorry. She let go.  
  
Daniel shrugged mentally as they descended the steps from the Stargate to join the rest of their team. _It's not that I didn't enjoy the contact. I think I really did. It's just—'_ He paused. _It's justwhat?'  
  
_Dr. Jackson continued to struggle with his feelings as SG-1 approached the area with the fallen pillars and the great statue of Anubis. He was forced to put out of his mind any thoughts about Marie as he stepped closer to the stone structure, studying it.  
  
it's, uha statue of Anubis, he announced, turning to face the other members of the team. It doesn't seem particularly remarkable in any way, except for the fact that it's out here in the middle of nowhere. You'd think that if the people here worship Anubis, such as he is, they'd have the statue near where they live, or something. It looks to me like no one has come around here for a long time.  
  
Teal'c considered. Perhaps the Goa'uld were driven from this world some time ago, and the humans moved elsewhere.  
  
Yeah, I'm thinking that must be it. Marie? Do you have any thoughts on— He broke off, noticing how intently she was staring at the statue.   
  
She shook her head slowly. Holy crap. It's just like the statue in _The Mummy_.  
  
_The Mummy_'? That's—that's a movie or something, right?  
  
Marie nodded, giving him a look that suggested he lived under a rock. In fact, it's— She suddenly gasped and looked up. What's that? Something's coming!  
  
They looked up. Sure enough, a flying shape was rapidly approaching. Daniel heard Colonel O'Neill ready his gun, in case whatever it was acted with hostility toward them.  
  
The creature—if that was what it was—slowed down and landed several yards distant. Daniel saw that it was a man, or man-like at the very least, but horrendous of aspect. It was tall and well-muscled, but its skin was gray-blue and withered. Instead of eyes, two red points of light shone out of dark sockets. The creature was dressed in a bizarre outfit, consisting of a loincloth, a jagged cape, arm and leg bands, and a helmet of unusual design.  
  
he heard Marie whisper behind him. This—this CAN'T be happening  
  
The newly-arrived man-creature folded its arms and considered them. Hm. Humans, it muttered in Ancient Egyptian. Then it took a step closer and glared. _Omae-tachi wa nani-mono no ka? Doko kara kita no ka? Ano Mon wo dou tsukatta no ka?_  
  
Daniel heard Marie squeak, and he whipped his head back to look at her. She looked very pale and ill. He took a step toward her, to catch her if she fainted, and heard her mutter, _Baka-na koto  
  
Marie, do you know what's going on? he asked gently. Is—is that creature speaking Japanese?  
  
Daniel stepped forward. Uh, greetings from Earth, he said with nominal hesitation. We're—we're peaceful explorers. Can you, uh, take us to your leader? He gestured at O'Neill to lower his gun. The colonel shook his head and mouthed   
  
The creature scoffed. __Sore wa nan no gogen na no ka?_  
  
_Eigo desu,_ Marie answered tightly. _Anta wa dou-yuu mono no desu ka?_  
  
_Ah, yokatta. Hitori wa wakarerareru kotoba ga hanaseru zo,_ the creature said, seeming relieved.  
  
_Kotaenasai. Anta wa dou-yuu mono no desu ka?_ Marie repeated.  
  
It straightened and squared its shoulders. _Ore wa Eien-Mushibou no Mamu-Ra! Saado Aasu no shihaisha da! Omae-tachi wa ore no shimobe ni nari ni kita no ka? Shimobe ga hitsuyou! Ore wa—_  
  
Marie cried, clapping her hands to the sides of her head. _Atashi—shinjinai yo! Konna koto wa fukanou-na koto no yo!_  
  
Daniel saw her sway and took hold of her arm. Marie! What's going on? You have to tell us!  
  
She raised her face to look at him, and he saw utter shock and disbelief in her eyes. It—it's Mum-Re, she said hoarsely. I don't believe it. He's from a cartoon I watched when I was younger. But why is he speaking Japanese?!  
  
What's he been saying? Colonel O'Neill asked.  
  
He—he wants us to be his servants, Marie answered, her voice cracking. Dear God. This is too much for me. How can he be—_here_?  
  
Well, tell the man thank you, but no, O'Neill urged her. Marie? Come on!  
  
The young woman turned back to Mum-Re. _Atashi-tachi wa shimobe ni naranai yo,_ she said, glaring at him.  
  
Mum-Re's face hardened. _Gouman-na oroka-tachi! Kisama-tachi no shi wo kai-motometa!!_ He held his hands up before him.  
  
Marie blanched. Crap! Run!  
  
Before they could turn and flee, a blast of force knocked Mum-Re backwards. He slid in the sand for a few feet, then got up and shook himself off.   
  
A deep, familiar voice answered, sending chills down the spines of the members of SG-1. **Leave, you impudent undead,** it said in Ancient Egyptian. **They are _my_ prey.**  
  
Daniel didn't even have to look to know who had arrived. Oh, shit. It's Klorel.  
  
Marie whispered, leaning close to him.  
  
How _dare_ you enter my territory! Mum-Re roared, facing Klorel. I will kill all of you!  
  
What are they saying? Marie asked.  
  
O'Neill muttered. Why don't you shoot the blue guy?  
  
The Jaffa raised his staff-weapon, but before he could fire it, a wall of flames sprouted from the ground beneath Mum-Re's feet. The creature screamed in agony and jumped back in an attempt to flee the fire, but it seemed to follow him and sprang up where his feet landed. Daniel glanced at Klorel to see if he was responsible for this, but the Goa'uld prince seemed as confused as the rest of them.  
  
After a little more burning, Mum-Re gave up. You haven't seen the last of me! he yelled in Egyptian, and flew away.  
  
**Good! He is gone,** Klorel said, speaking English this time. **Now you filthy humans will—**  
  
It was a woman's voice, coming from behind Klorel. Something in her tone was powerful and compelling. We must have words!  
  
Daniel looked past Klorel and saw an Amazon warrior, clad in Indian-style silks and jewelry. She wore studded leather armour on her breast and hips, and a long cloak flowed down from her shoulders to brush the sand. She was not very tall, but seemed to radiate power.  
  
**How dare you, mortal!** Klorel snarled, turning to face her. **My name is _Klorel_! Who in the name of the Goa'uld Empire are you!?**  
  
My name is Kali, she answered calmly. Remember it well, Kloroform, for it is the name of your doom!  
  
**It's KLOREL!** he roared. **I will destroy you for your insolence!** He took a step towards her and raised the palm with the Goa'uld blasty-thing.  
  
Silence, Kloramine! Kali barked, and he stepped back and was silent. She pulled a strip of paper from a pocket somewhere and focused on the Goa'uld standing in front of her.  
  
That—I think that's an _ofuda_! Marie said. Sailormars uses those to exorcise evil spirits! She glanced over at Daniel, who was frozen, watching the proceedings in shock.   
  
Oh my God, he whispered. This is just like my dream.  
  
What? Dream?? she asked, surprised.  
  
Kali closed her eyes and began chanting. She opened her eyes and glared at Klorel. _Akuryou Taisan_!! She flung the _ofuda_, and it stuck to Klorel's forehead with a _spak_ sound.  
  
Klorel opened his mouth to say something. His eyes widened. Then he fell back, screaming in agony. Tendrils of light wrapped around his body and shot away. Daniel thought he saw a bolt of light in the shape of a Goa'uld fly out of the back of Klorel's neck. Then he lay still.  
  
Kali walked over to the body and knelt by it. She leaned over and smiled gently as the body opened its eyes. Something about its manner told Daniel that it was Skaara again, no longer Klorel.  
  
Skaara suddenly grabbed Kali and kissed her passionately. Daniel watched, surprised and confused. Had these two known each other before? He had never heard Skaara speak of anyone named Kali.  
  
Oh, you must be a real goddess! Skaara said hoarsely in Abydosian as Kali helped him sit up. You—you have freed me from the demon! I would do anything to repay you.  
  
She smiled and stroked his hair. How about being my love slave?  
  
Skaara looked confused. Love slave? I don't know what that is.  
  
Slave, Skaara! She said _slave_! Daniel cried, approaching the two of them. You don't want to be a slave ever again!  
  
Kali looked up at him, annoyed. It'd be much better than how the Goa'uld treated him.  
  
But—slave! The very thought—it's—  
  
O'Neill looked blankly between Skaara and Kali. Did I just miss something?  
  
Oh, right. He can't understand Egyptian, Daniel muttered. This Kali person is asking Skaara to be her love slave.  
  
The colonel opened his mouth, then closed it again. that's great. Thanks for sharing.  
  
Marie asked nervously. I was wondering something. A-a-are we really on—on Third Earth?  
  
Kali nodded solemnly. Yes. I must admit, I was a little surprised to find a Stargate here. She kissed Skaara on the cheek. But it's okay. Now I have Skaara-kun.  
  
Hey, um, Skaara— Daniel said, facing the boy, do you and Kali know each other from somewhere?  
  
Skaara shook his head. No. We never met before this day.  
  
But we'll get to know each other _real_ well! Kali gushed, squeezing him.  
  
Are the ThunderCats here?! Marie asked fervently.  
  
Kali grinned. No, they're not here. We're in Egypt; they're in North America. But I can bring them here, if you want.  
  
Marie clasped her hands in front of her. That would be—  
  
I must warn you, though, Kali continued, how they are in reality is a little different from how they were in the TV show.  
  
I'm sure! Marie said, laughing.  
  
Well, okay, then. Kali gestured behind her. The ThunderKittens. Two teenage people appeared, both with long, pointed ears and semi-feline faces. They appeared to have tails.  
  
Marie stared. Oh, wow. They _are_ different. But in a good way.  
  
The teenage girl spotted Kali and Skaara and let out a squeal.   
  
_YADA! Boku no!!_ Kali cried, leaping in front of the charging ThunderCat, who stopped and gave her a confused look.  
  
_Anta no? Dou-yuu imi na no??_  
  
The teenage boy, meanwhile, had spotted SG-1. _Hahh, suggooi!! SG-1!!_  
  
Kali glanced over at him, and a large blue sweatdrop ran down her head. Oh, shit. I forgot about the paradox.  
  
_Skaara-sama wa anta no to iu koto wa nan no koto na no?!_ the female ThunderKitten demanded. The boy, seemingly her brother, rushed up to where Teal'c was standing bemusedly.  
  
_Teal'c-dono! Watashi ni anata-gata no jisho wo yatte kudasai-masen ka?_ Teal'c raised one eyebrow and looked down at him.  
  
He's asking for your autograph, Teal'c, Marie translated.  
  
I am afraid I am unfamiliar with that term, the Jaffa replied. What is an   
  
Uh, Kali! Colonel O'Neill called. There's just a little tiny problem here! HOW DO THEY KNOW WHO WE ARE?!?  
  
Kali rubbed her hands together nervously. It's complicated. I'll explain later. She turned to the girl who was still glaring at her. _Skaara-kun wa boku no rabu sureebu da yo. Shirizoite._  
  
_Anta no——!!? Iyaa! Fukouheeeii!!_ the girl squealed.  
  
Actually, II might have a theory, Colonel O'Neill, Marie said a little hesitantly. Well, it's like this. There's a cartoon called _ThunderCats_. As we can see, characters from that show really exist, by some almost completely impossible coincidence. So what if, somewhere in the universe, someone or something happened to make a TV show—or whatever—about the Stargate and SG-1?  
  
Captain Carter blinked a few times and looked very doubting. The chances of that being the case are infinitesimal. I mean, it's unbelievable enough that theseas you say, cartoon characters seem to exist. I can't imagine that there could be any form of media that would portray the Stargate project accurately without having some connection to it, and if that were the case, we would surely know about it. The chances of it happening like you say are so small as to almost be incalculable.  
  
Then how do they know about us? Marie questioned.  
  
O'Neill sighed and rocked back on the balls of his feet. Spies, maybe, he suggested. Maybe they're in league with the Go'ulds. Maybe they _are_ Go'ulds.  
  
Marie sent him a sidelong glare. Colonel, sir, they are not. I'm sure of it.  
  
Are you now? How do you know?  
  
I cansense it. She seemed oddly evasive.  
  
O'Neill said, glancing at Carter and attempting to smile casually, so can our friend Captain Carter. He looked meaningfully at her, and she gave a brief nod and approached Marie.  
  
Wha—what are you doing? Marie asked.  
  
Don't be offended. We're just making sure you're not a Goa'uld, Carter explained as she felt around the back of Marie's neck.  
  
Not a—!! Would General Hammond have let me on SG-1 if I were a Goa'uld?! the young woman demanded.  
  
Well, if you're not, you would have nothing to hide, right? O'Neill prompted.  
  
Marie heaved an aggravated sigh and suffered herself to be searched the rest of the way. Carter turned back to O'Neill. She's clean.  
  
He nodded.   
  
The captain looked confused for a moment, then realised what the colonel was implying. She's never had a Goa'uld or Tok'ra in her.  
  
_I_ could have told you that, Marie declared sullenly.  
  
Don't—please don't be offended, Daniel said gently, putting a hand on her shoulder. We've been through a lot. It's only natural that we're kind of paranoid. In fact, being so has saved our asses more than once.  
  
So because I revealed knowledge I had about the Goa'uld, you assumed I was working for them or something, she maintained.  
  
Yeah, basically. I'm sorry about it. We just had to be sure.  
  
No, I understand. She looked up to where Kali and the female ThunderKitten were still arguing heatedly over the fairness of Kali's taking Skaara to be a love slave. Um, about my theory. It seems that the way the ThunderCats were portrayed in the cartoon isn't entirely accurate. So maybe if there _is_ a TV show about us, it doesn't portray us or the events that happen exactly as they occur. Is that slightly more possible, Captain Carter?  
  
The captain nodded once and shrugged. A _little_ more. It's still highly unlikely, though.  
  
What do you think of all this, Teal'c? Daniel asked.  
  
The Jaffa considered a moment, then answered. I believe that if they are not allied with the Goa'uld, and have no connection to Earth's Stargate program, then Marie Onosaka's theory is reasonable, though it seems unlikely.  
  
I know. We'll ask Kali, Marie suggested. Kali? What's going on?  
  
Kali laughed. Sorry, I can't tell you that, the amazon called. It would cause paradox. Paradox is bad.  
  
Paradox? No! Marie said. The pair of docks, with the duck-footed boat—oh crap, pun— She sneezed.  
  
Kali laughed again, then realised that the young ThunderCat had attached herself to Skaara. _Oe! Hanase!!_ she ordered, prying at the teenager.  
  
Kali shouted, I'd best get going. I have a few things to see to, not the least of which is sending Kitha and Konau back home. She sighed and brushed off Skaara's robe where a small pink heart had popped out of the female ThunderKitten's head and left a stain.  
  
Ki—Kitha and Konau? Marie repeated.  
  
Kali replied. In real life, they have real names. _Kimi-tachi! Kitaku yo._ She gestured, and the ThunderKittens vanished. But before I go She took a step in Marie's direction. _Canta per me_.  
  
_Canta per me_'? Daniel echoed. That's Italian—  
  
Meaning sing for me', Marie finished. It's also the name of a song from the animé _Noir_. Kali nodded. Okay, thenI guess I'm supposed to sing itbear with me, guys  
  
_Canta per me addio / Quel dolce suono / De passati giorni / Mi sempre rammenta Daniel thought she had an absolutely lovely voice, and as she continued singing, Kali joined in with a descant. Their voices rose together, harmonising and intertwining, and Daniel was sure he felt an almost magical tingle in the air.  
  
When they finished the song, Kali smiled. You have a very nice voice.  
  
Thank you, Marie murmured, looking down. So do you.  
  
Kali patted her on the shoulder.   
  
Hey, I can sing too! Skaara put in, and began a long ballad in Abydosian.  
  
Kali listened to him and chuckled. Hey, he's actually a pretty good singer. Maybe we should call him Skaara Brae. The human members of SG-1 facefaulted.  
  
Marie scrambled to her feet. Oh, no! she whimpered, and gave a great sneeze.  
  
Are you okay? Daniel asked her, peeling his face out of the sand.  
  
I will be. I—I'm just—allergic to puns.  
  
He looked askance at her. Allergic to puns? How can you—  
  
I'm allergic to __Star Trek_, Kali remarked. Why can't she be allergic to puns? She glanced at Marie. But I do wonder. How did you ever read Xanth?  
  
Lots of Allegra, Marie replied, laughing between her sneezes.  
  
Kali folded her arms. That's unfortunate. I really don't have that problem. I'm actually immune to puns.  
  
What, you mean, that's your magic talent?  
  
Something like that.  
  
Oh, _sugoi_! Marie gushed. That must be near Sorceress caliber!  
  
Oh, I don't know about _that_, Kali demurred. She reached out and poked Marie in the forehead, then smiled. That should help. Marie looked as confused as Daniel felt, so he didn't ask. Kali sighed and took a step back. Well, I'll be going then. She glanced at the Stargate, and a wormhole opened. See you guys later. The two of them, space-elf and desert boy, started walking towards the 'Gate.  
  
Marie called, waving. The members of SG-1 turned away and continued on through the valley of fallen pillars.  
  
did anyone else notice that she activated the Stargate _without doing anything_??! Colonel O'Neill hissed.  
  
I did indeed notice, Teal'c responded.  
  
Yeah, how did she do that? Daniel wondered.  
  
Marie replied.  
  
They all looked at her. She spread her hands. What? It must be the reason. What else could it be?  
  
Captain Carter exchanged a glance with Colonel O'Neill. I suppose it _is_ possible, sir, she admitted. We've never met any of Kali's species before. We don't know what they're capable of.  
  
I was also wondering what Klorel was doing here Daniel said. Oh well. We can't ask him now.  
  
Marie yelped as she fell through a hole in the ground.  



	3. Chapter Three

**CHAPTER THREE MIIRA-OTOKO  
**

  
MARIE!! _Are you all right!?_ Daniel screamed down the hole.  
  
There was a cough. Yeah! I'm fine. It actually isn't too deep. Her voice seemed to be coming from less than ten feet down.  
  
He felt foolish for yelling at the top of his lungs. Sorry I yelled so loud.  
  
Don't worry about it, she called back. We should worry about getting me out of— Oh, wow. Daniel, you should come and see this.  
  
  
  
This—I think it's some sort of—ritual chamber or something.  
  
Ritual chamber?? His heart skipped a beat. An archaeological find on another planet!  
  
Yeah. You can jump down here; the ground is sandy, so it's pretty soft.  
  
Dr. Jackson glanced back at the other members of SG-1, then swung his legs around to sit at the edge of the hole and dropped down. He landed in deep sand and fell to his knees, but quickly regained his footing. The only light came in through the hole; he could just barely make out the shapes of Ancient Egyptian-style mummification tables and rows of stone sarcophagi.  
  
he muttered. This is—really—  
  
Marie finished.  
  
He chuckled.   
  
Hey, Danny boy! What's down there? Colonel O'Neill called.  
  
Oh! It's, uh, some kind of ritual chamber, like Marie said, he replied. It's the kind of place where they made mummies. Although I have to admit, I don't know why it's underground and not in a temple somewhere. They generally didn't do it underground.  
  
Marie laughed softly, and Daniel thought he detected a hint of irony in her tone. You know what? This reminds me of something. But I'm not going to say what, because I'll just jinx us. She looked at him for a moment. You know, I'm surprised you don't recognise the setup.  
  
He shrugged. Well, sure I do. It's a mummification chamber.  
  
She shook her head. No, no. The statue of Anubis. The chamber underground. The valley of pillars. That doesn't remind you ofany particular movie, does it?  
  
N-no, not really he admitted. I'm afraid I don't watch many movies.  
  
She made a huffing noise. You mean you haven't seen _The Mummy_? Why not? It's so your type of movie! They speak Ancient Egyptian in it and everything!  
  
Well, _maybe_ they speak Ancient Egyptian, he corrected. It's also possible that they just made up gibberish that they thought sounded like Ancient Egyptian. But I have heard of the movie you're talking about. I was going to go see it when it came out, but by the time I got around to it, it was out of the theatres.  
  
And you couldn't just rent or buy a copy?  
  
He spread his hands. I don't have a VCR.  
  
she groaned, rolling her eyes. Daniel, you are so _sheltered_! But her tone seemed strangely affectionate, not frustrated. Then she suddenly wrinkled her nose and sneezed.  
  
Daniel said, digging his pack of Kleenex from his pocket and offering her one. She gratefully accepted it and wiped her nose. But I didn't sense a pun.  
  
You think I'm only allergic to puns? she asked, glaring at him over the top of the tissue clamped to her face.  
  
Hey, guys, Captain Carter shouted. Do you think you could wrap up your chit-chat and tell us what's down there?  
  
Daniel looked up through the hole. Well, you could come down here and see for yourself, Captain Carter. It's actually very interesting.  
  
Aboveground, the captain glanced back at Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c and shrugged. Why not, she muttered. There's no other sign of civilisation around here except that pyramid, and it looks to be a long ways off. She got a length of rope from her pack, tied it around a pillar, and slid down it into the underground chamber.  
  
Well, Iguess we're supposed to go down too, O'Neill declared, glancing at Teal'c. Teal'c merely took a deep breath and returned the glance with one of his typical looks.  
  


——————  


  
Once the whole team had entered the cavern, Daniel and Marie set off ahead down the sloping sand floor. There was a lot of sand mounded up underneath the entrance hole, but the actual floor of the chamber was stone, as were the walls. O'Neill looked around, slightly impressed. So how'd they do this without having the ground above cave in?  
  
I'm not sure, Daniel admitted. The space between the ceiling and the surface isn't very great; it doesn't seem like there's enough sand there to support a tunnel. II really don't know how they did it.  
  
Marie said.  
  
He looked at her.   
  
Yeah. Hermione Granger said that the Ancient Egyptians had powerful wizards among them.  
  
Daniel blinked. Wh-who's Hermione Granger?  
  
She gave him a look. You know, from the Harry Potter books?  
  
no, I don't. Marie rolled her eyes. And anyway, that's fiction, isn't it?  
  
Well, you never know. The ThunderCats exist, after all. She turned on her flashlight and shone it ahead of her. For a brief instant, it reflected off of something and lit up the chamber, but she moved the beam past it.  
  
Wait—what was that? Daniel questioned. Move your flashlight back—  
  
She did so, and paused as the beam connected with a large, polished mirror several yards away. The light bounced off that mirror and reflected onto a series of other mirrors, and the room was illuminated.  
  
Okay, _now_ I'm scared, Marie said.  
  
Why? I think it's really cool, O'Neill remarked.  
  
She rolled her eyes and sighed. Oh, never mind. Keeping her flashlight trained on the mirror, she continued down the sandy slope and walked across the floor. When she reached the mirror, she turned off her flashlight, and the room returned to darkness. But Daniel heard a creaking noise, and by squinting through the dimness, he could see that Marie was adjusting the mirror. At last, she got it to the proper angle, and the chamber was lit again. There we go.  
  
Colonel O'Neill nodded. Neat trick.  
  
Marie said, brushing her hands off, let's keep going, now that we can see.  
  
They poked through the chamber, investigating the various odds and ends scattered about it. Daniel and Marie took turns explaining about the various processes of mummification and associated practises. When Daniel got to the part about how the brain was removed, O'Neill turned away and made a dismissive gesture with his hand.  
  
That's okay, Dr. Jackson, he said. Enough details!  
  
Teal'c, who had gone a little further ahead, reappeared. There is a sarcophagus nearby.  
  
A-a sarcophagus? Daniel asked. You mean—a Go'uld sarcophagus?  
  
No. I believe it is the kind the ancient people of your world placed their dead in for burial.  
  
Oh, I've gotta see this! Teal'c, lead me to it! Daniel pressed, picking his way over to the Jaffa.  
  
When they reached the coffin, Teal'c stopped and looked to the archaeologist. Daniel walked up to it, studying the hieroglyphics engraved in the stone. I—I can read this, he asserted. He—He That Shall Not Be Named.  
  
Marie asked. Oh, wait. That's He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.  
  
Daniel murmured, glancing at her. oh, wow. Look at this thing. The normal spells and stuff aren't there. It's like they were chiseled off, or something.  
  
Teal'c stepped behind the sarcophagus, inspecting the area. These pillars appear to be in the shape of legs. I would conjecture that they are the legs of the statue we saw aboveground.  
  
Daniel turned it over in his mind. Buried at the feet of Anubisno protective spells on the sarcophagusJesus, this guy must have really done something bad.  
  
Maybe he turned against Anubis, or something, O'Neill suggested.  
  
Captain Carter nodded. That seems plausible. He went up against his god', and so was punished for blaspheming. News of his death would have been spread among the humans as a warning.  
  
I wish there were some way to_open_ this thing! Daniel muttered, digging his fingernails into the crack between the lid and body of the sarcophagus and pulling, to no avail.  
  
Please allow me to try, Daniel Jackson, Teal'c offered. The archaeologist gladly stepped aside and let his companion attempt to open the coffin, but even Teal'c could not remove the lid. He did, however, check it over carefully. He turned back to Daniel and announced, It is locked.  
  
Well, we need a key, then! Daniel said, raising his hands.  
  
Wait—wait a minute. Teal'c, is it Goa'uld technology? Captain Carter asked.  
  
Teal'c sent her a cool look. If it is, it is of a style completely unfamiliar to me. I would assume that it is not.  
  
Here, I have an idea, Colonel O'Neill said, pulling out his Zat gun. Move out of the way, people. Daniel glanced at him and leapt away from the sarcophagus, while Teal'c calmly took a few steps back. The colonel shot the stone coffin once, and when the blue zappies had disappeared, Daniel returned to the lid and attempted to pry it off again.  
  
Still locked, he grunted.  
  
Well, I'll shoot it again. Daniel moved aside, and O'Neill did so. There was a _click_, and the lid of the sarcophagus detached and fell forward. As the dust cleared, Dr. Jackson peered into the sarcophagus, and spooked as he peered into the empty eye-sockets of a shrivelled, not-completely-decomposed mummy.  
  
Okay, now this is really weird! he exclaimed, wiping dust off his glasses. They usually dry the dead people out before they mummify him; I don't know what must have happened with this guy, but it was NOT standard operating procedure.  
  
He was buried alive, Marie said from behind him.  
  
He looked over his shoulder at her. How do you know?  
  
She blinked slowly. I, uh, just know. Then she glanced down. Those are insect shells.  
  
Daniel looked down at the mummy's feet, and saw what she was looking at. Oh, yeah. Right. He knelt and picked one up. Hmm. They look like scarab shells to me. Do you have any insight? He looked up at Marie.  
  
They mummified him alive, then poured flesh-eating scarabs into his sarcophagus, she explained somberly. He was eaten alive. A horrible way to go.  
  
Flesh-eating scarabs? Captain Carter repeated incredulously. I thought scarabs ate dung.  
  
Colonel O'Neill commented. Carter glanced at him and rolled her eyes.  
  
Marie sighed and tightened her ponytail. Well, it's very interesting down here, but there could be settlements nearby, maybe hidden by dunes and not visible from where we were on the surface. Why don't we go back topside and check it out?  
  
In a bit, Daniel replied. I want to look around here some more.  
  
Marie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Are you sure? Every minute we spend down here is a minute of travelling time lost.  
  
Well, we brought tents. We can set up camp in the desert and continue on in the morning, if it comes to that.  
  
Ms. Onosaka— Captain Carter put a hand on the young woman's shoulder. Dr. Jackson's in one of his moods. He won't do anything else until he's satisfied his curiosity. Trust me, I know.  
  
That's the problem! We need to get him away from here, Marie whispered back.  
  
With a sigh, Captain Carter raised her hands and then dropped them to her sides in an extended shrug. I don't know what to tell you.  
  
Well, _I'm_ going back up, Marie said, walking to the rope dangling from the entrance. And remember, Daniel, we can come back.  
  
he said, not really paying attention.  
  


——————  


  
Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill followed Marie out of the underground chamber, leaving Teal'c to make sure Daniel didn't wander off or hurt himself.  
  
If I may ask, Marie, Carter began, why are you so eager to get Dr. Jackson away from there?  
  
The librarian ran a hand over her hair and glanced at the captain. He's going to find the Book of the Dead and bring Imhotep back to life. I just know it.  
  
Carter sighed, suppressing a smile. Ms. Onosaka, I don't think we have to worry about that. I have to admit, this place is eerily similar to the setting of _The Mummy_, but my disbelief has been suspended far enough today. I'm sure that no mummy-raising is going to occur.  
  
I wish I could cast _Augury_, or _Divination_, or something Marie muttered.  
  
What are those? Magic spells? Captain Carter queried.  
  
Yeah. They're cleric spells from Dungeons & Dragons, O'Neill answered.  
  
Both the women looked at him, surprised. You play D Marie asked.  
  
The colonel shrugged. I used to, a little.  
  
Captain Carter looked around. Well, this area seems as good a place as any to set up camp. Let's pitch our tents, then look around a little more.  
  
When their tents had been set up, Colonel O'Neill pointed roughly east. I think there's a spring in that direction. Let's check it out.  
  
He was right. A small natural spring bubbled up from the sandy ground, surrounded by various kinds of green plants. A lizard and a scorpion were engaging in a what looked oddly like a reproductive act near the edge. Captain Carter knelt next to them, confused. They appeared to be actually mating, but how they were doing it she couldn't guess. Colonel O'Neill slung his gun over his shoulder and leaned near the water.  
  
That water looks good, he said. Anybody else feel thirsty?  
  
Sir, we have water in our canteens, Captain Carter reminded him.  
  
Yeah, but this water—  
  
Marie noticed what Captain Carter was looking at, and Carter heard her gasp. Oh God. I have a bad feeling about this.  
  
You have a bad feeling about everything, O'Neill remarked, crouching next to the spring and dipping his finger in. Hey, it's really cool.  
  
Sir, if you're going to drink that water, we should filter it fir—— But she was cut off as O'Neill's foot slipped and he slid into the pool.  
  
he spluttered, shaking his head. Drops of water splashed Carter's face, and she felt a strange sensation spread through her body. Marie squeaked and scrambled back. Well, that was kind of embarrassing, O'Neill said, climbing out of the spring and shaking himself off. Water dribbled off his clothing and boots, and he looked up at Carter with an expression on his face. But it slowly changed to surprise, then a very odd expression of discomfort.  
  
Carter said. I—I think we should— She stopped herself mid-sentence, finding herself looking at him in a way she never had before. There was something about him. She had to have him, and she had to have him _now_. Carter closed her eyes and shook her head. What was she thinking? It was against regulations!  
  
Marie's gaze nervously flicked back and forth between the colonel and captain. She saw O'Neill look Carter up and down, open and close his mouth a few times, and clench his fists to his sides. Then, abruptly, he turned and ran away.  
  
Carter was sorely tempted to follow him, but forced herself not to. She glanced over at Marie, whose face was frozen in a visage of resigned horror. What is it, Ms. Onosaka?  
  
I was right, she moaned. It was a love spring.  
  
A _what_?!  



	4. Chapter Four

**CHAPTER FOUR THE BOOK IS SHINY  
**

  
Daniel stood on Teal'c's shoulders, heaved the book up over the edge of the hole, and hauled himself out using the rope. As Teal'c climbed out, the archaelogist picked up his prize and looked around. Marie was seated on the base of a fallen pillar a few yards away, her hands covering her face, and Captain Carter was pacing in agitation. About two hundred yards to the east, Colonel O'Neill was walking back and forth, seeming to be in a similar state of disquiet.  
  
Dr. Jackson approached Marie. What—what happened? he asked.  
  
She dropped her hands and raised her gaze to his, looking greatly upset yet resigned. 'Tis not for you to hear what I can speak, she said, giving him a grim half-smile. The repetition, in a man's ear, would murder as it fell.  
  
he asked, even more confused.  
  
Never mind, she sighed. Her eyes flicked to the heavy tome he held under one arm. I see you found the book, she continued miserably.  
  
What? This? Oh, yeah! I think it's the Book of the Dead or something. It's supposed to contain all the spells and rituals of the Ancient Egyptian mummification and funerary rites.  
  
So I've heard, she said. Just don't read it.  
  
What? What's wrong with reading it? It's just a book!  
  
She stared at him. Now those are famous last words if I ever heard them.  
  
For the love of God, Marie, it's a book! He looked over at Captain Carter, who had begun to chew her nails, occasionally glancing at the distant Colonel O'Neill. Okay, that's definitely not normal behaviour for her. What's got into her?  
  
Marie hung her head. Water from a love spring.  
  
A what? Did—did you say love spring?  
  
I am concerned for Captain Carter, Teal'c said, approaching them. She is not acting normally.  
  
Like I just said, she got splashed with water from a love spring, when Colonel O'Neill fell into it.  
  
Love spring? Teal'c repeated. I am not familiar with this term.  
  
Most Mundanes aren't, Marie explained. But I suppose you can guess what it does.  
  
Daniel pondered. Well, from the name, I would guess that it's a magical spring that causes whoever drinks from it to fall in love with whomever they next see.  
  
A little more than that, Marie said.  
  
More than—? The realisation hit him. Oh, my God!!  
  
Marie nodded slowly. Now you understand why I'm so upset. Not to mention how frustrated Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill are!  
  
Daniel shook his head. Jesus. It sounds like something you'd find in D  
  
She looked up at him, and brightened for an instant. Oh, you play D&D too?  
  
Uh, I used to, he explained. Back in high school. That was years ago. Then all my friends and I moved apart to go to college.  
  
Years ago? Like how many years?  
  
Oh, I don't know, like— He looked up at the sky, counting in his head. Ten or eleven. It was quite a while ago.  
  
She cogitated on that briefly. So did you play First or Second Edition?  
  
Uh—I think it was First. Yeah, it must have been. I remember when I was in college, they came out with a new version, but I couldn't get used to it. They changed all kinds of rules, messed everything up.  
  
They've released Third Edition now. It's much better than Second Edition.  
  
they heard O'Neill scream from afar, and he began running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  
  
Captain Carter jogged over to the group of three. Dear God. I don't know what I'm going to do.  
  
Marie sighed and rubbed her hand over her face. Well, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I will, however, point out that there are only the five of us here, and we can all keep secrets. She looked up at Carter meaningfully.  
  
Carter appeared to come close to blushing. What makes you think—  
  
Marie sighed and leaned back on the pillar. Okay. I'll disclose something to you, Captain Carter. I'm psychic. I know what you're thinking.  
  
At that point, Captain Carter really did blush ever-so-slightly. Or it could have been sunburn, Daniel thought. The captain staggered back and turned away, embarrassed. No offence, Marie, but I think you should stay out of my head about now.  
  
Yeah, I think so too, Marie agreed tightly.  
  
I CAN'T STAND THIS!! Colonel O'Neill roared from the distance. WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?!!!  
  
Daniel's heart was pounding. Is—is that why you joined SG-1? Because you're _psionic_?? He could hardly believe it.  
  
Marie nodded, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. well, I have to admit, I did _lean_ on Uncle George a little in order to get placed on the team. I know it's kind of wrong, but I so desperately wanted to meet you, Dr. Jackson.  
  
Me? Meet _me_? He felt flattered.  
  
Teal'c turned to Marie. Marie Onosaka, do the effects of the love spring wear off after the two individuals involved have indulged their desires?  
  
she answered, nodding. After some violent stork-summoning, they're back to normal.  
  
Teal'c stepped over to Captain Carter, who was looking increasingly desperate. Captain Carter, the best solution to your problem is to capitulate for as long as necessary. I promise on my word as a warrior that I will not speak a word to anyone at the SGC.  
  
I promise too, Marie said. God, Captain Carter, just go with it. Your Will saves are admirable, but I think they're only harming you in the long run.  
  
What's been stopping you? Daniel asked.  
  
It's—it's against regulations for officers to have any sort of personal relationship, Captain Carter replied, her voice trembling. Shit. I'm sorry about this, guys. But thanks for understanding. She whirled around and tore off in O'Neill's direction, pulling off her jacket as she ran.  
  
Daniel said. guess that takes care of Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill met halfway, and she began dragging him toward one of the tents. Daniel turned away, embarrassed.   
  
I wish to know what this Dungeons & Dragons of which you speak is, Teal'c said to Marie. A game, I presume.  
  
Yeah. It's a fantasy role-playing game. THE fantasy role-playing game. Oh, you don't know what that means, do you? Well, it's like this  
  
Dr. Jackson tuned Marie out and seated himself on the sandy ground, placing the Book of the Dead in his lap. It was firmly locked, having an eight-pointed indentation in the cover just like that in the lid of the sarcophagus. Remembering what O'Neill's solution had been, he walked away from Marie and Teal'c, set the Book on the ground, and gave it a blast from his Zat gun. The large metal locks flipped open, and he opened the cover. The cover and pages seemed to be made of slabs of some sort of metal or mineral—possibly naquadah, he thought. The hieroglyphics on the first page' were of an archaic system, but not completely unrecognisable.  
  
call thee forth, he pieced together, reading in Egyptian, spirit whodwells in thedark underworld.  
  
At his last words, a cloud passed over the sun and a chill gust of wind ruffled his hair. He thought he heard a distant, echoing roar from somewhere.  
  
Marie screamed, hearing. YOU MUST NOT READ FROM THE BOOK!!!  
  
I'm afraid it's a little late for that he said nervously, shutting the book.  
  
A faint buzzing was heard in the distance, steadily growing louder. Marie wailed, running for one of the two unoccupied tents.  
  
The moans and sighs from the occupied tent paused, and Colonel O'Neill's voice asked, what's that noise?  
  
Carter's voice said, then was silent, listening. Sounds like a swarm of insects.  
  
_Get in the tents!!_ Marie shrieked to Daniel and Teal'c, beckoning them frantically.  
  
Daniel ducked into the tent with Marie as Teal'c dived into the third, a little apart from the other two. Marie grabbed the zipper behind Daniel and yanked it up just as a dark, shifting cloud loomed over the horizon and swarmed past the distant Stargate.  
  
Why, oh why weren't there any Medjai to warn us away? Marie moaned. You would have listened to _them_!  
  
I—well, shit, I'm really sorry, Daniel said, unsure of what else to do. Outside, the swarm of insects reached the tent and began hitting the sides; the sound of their wings buzzing was almost deafening. I had no idea. Just what did I unleash? he shouted over the din.  
  
**Imhotep,** came Marie's voice. He looked at her, surprised; her mouth hadn't moved. **That's right. I'm Sending to you telepathically.**  
  
_Im—Imhotep?'_ he thought. He searched his memory for the name; he knew he had heard it. _The Egyptian architect, born into the commoner caste in the Third Dynasty of the Old Kingdom?'  
  
_**No.** She took a deep breath. **The High Priest of Pharaoh Seti the First.**  
  
_Huh? I've never heard of him.'  
  
_**Probably because his name was removed from all historical records when he——** Then her thought cut off. **Oh, of course you haven't heard of him! He was on _this _planet, not ours!**  
  
_suppose that makes sense'_ he thought, rather bemused.  
  
They heard a squeal over the drone of the insects' wings. Colonel O'Neill, sir!! I never thought—! Daniel flinched, embarrassed, and knew he was blushing.  
  
Marie's eyes were wide and staring, and Daniel thought for a second that she was even more mortified than he. But he realised that her lips were moving slightly, as if she were speaking silently.  
  
She turned to him, and her eyes focused. **I don't know how Imhotep will regenerate,** she Sent. **In the movie, he stole the organs and vital fluids of the people who opened the chest that contained the Book of the Dead. But you didn't find the Book in a chest.**  
  
_No.'_ He had thought he heard faint music behind her Sending. _I thought I heard music. Do you—do you have a song stuck in your head?'  
  
_She sighed. **Yes. I don't know where it came from.**  
  
_Well, why don't you sing it? That should help.'  
  
_**How?**  
  
_The best way to get rid of an earworm is to give it to someone else.'  
  
_**Oh, I wouldn't do that to you!** she Sent.  
  
_I don't care. I like your voice anyway.'  
  
_Marie sighed. **If you don't mind.** She began singing in Japanese, but kept the link between their minds open, so Daniel understood what the lyrics meant.  
  
_Arashi no naka wo kake-nukete_ (Within the storm, trying to run out) / _Yume ga mienai dark night_ (A night so dark you can't see your dreams) / _Hitori-botchi wo dakishimenaide_ (Don't embrace being alone) / _Ikazuchi yo hashire, anata no moto e_ (Run, thunder, to where you are) / _Soshite tsutaete we believe you_ (And tell me we believe you) / _Ichiman boruto no we believe you_ (Ten thousand volts, we believe you  
  
As she continued through the refrain and second verse, a strange feeling spread throughout the tent, like static electricity. The hairs on Daniel's arms and neck rose slightly, and he thought he heard—or rather, sensed—just the slightest buzzing sound, an undercurrent beneath the roar of the insects around them. The tent began to smell faintly of ozone.  
  
Oh my God! I've got to go outside! Marie cried, and leapt for the door. She unzipped it hastily and shot out, leaving the flap open behind her. Daniel watched her, surprised that no insects were coming in through the open door.  
  
Marie raised her arms, and there was a strange noise, like shuddering winds. Squiggles of electricity coalesced from the air and hovered in a circle near her feet. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and reached forward with both her hands. With a mighty _zap_, a bolt of lightning shot forth and arced through the swarm of insects. Scores of the bugs dropped to the ground. She repeated the gesture, and more fell. Daniel could only watch, speechless. How was she doing this?  
  
When the vast majority of the locusts had been killed, Marie ducked back into the tent, breathing heavily. She smelled like ozone, and a few loose hairs on her forehead were sticking up.  
  
What—what was that?! Daniel asked.  
  
I—I—I don't know, she admitted, smoothing back her hair. I just—while I was singing, I felt—I felt like a Sorceress from Diablo II, and knew I could cast Lightning spells.  
  
He was confused. Sorceress? Diablo II?  
  
It's a computer game, she explained.  
  
he said slowly.  
  
One of the locusts entered the tent. Marie pointed at it, and a spark leapt from her finger and struck the insect. It fell to the floor, dead. this isI don't know what this is. I mean, I've always liked singing, but I didn't think— Her eyes widened as a realisation came over her. That must be what Kali meant! When she told me to sing for her. She—maybe she gave me—a magic talent!  
  
I'm, uh, thrilled for you, I guess, Daniel said, still rather bemused by the whole event.  
  
Captain Carter!! What are you doing? Colonel O'Neill demanded.  
Ahh, sorry, sir! I thought—  
  
Carry on, Captain! That's an order!  
  
There was silence for a second. Yes, sir!  
  
MUST YOU BE SO LOUD??!? Daniel wailed, his face burning.  
  
The archaeologist and the librarian heard the zipper on Teal'c's tent unzip, and Daniel poked his head out. A few straggling locusts were buzzing around, but the main part of the swarm had passed—or been killed.  
  
It appears to be safe now, Teal'c said. Then he spooked, reaching down to grab his staff-weapon from the ground. Daniel turned to look and saw a withered, skeletal form pulling itself hand-over-hand up the rope they had left dangling into the underground chamber.  
  
Teal'c cried. The creature did not do so, and Teal'c repeated his command in Egyptian. Still the mummy advanced. Teal'c fired on it and blasted one of its arms off, but the thing did not appear intimidated. It took a step back, grabbed its detached member, and held it to its shoulder; Daniel saw the dried and charred flesh reattaching itself.  
  
Oh my God, he muttered.  
  
We are so screwed, Marie whimpered.  
  
Why don't you just sing at him? Daniel asked.  
  
I don't know what would work! she wailed.  
  
The mummy—Imhotep, apparently—finished regenerating his wound and thrust its hands toward Teal'c. The Jaffa was lifted into the air and hovered there, surprised. Then he began screaming in pain, as Imhotep used his freaky undead powers to suck out Teal'c's vital essence to further regenerate himself.  
  
Daniel cried, firing his Zat gun at the mummy. It flinched, but did not stop, so Daniel shot again. Imhotep staggered backwards and fell back into the hole. Teal'c fell to the ground with a dull thump.  
  
Marie shrieked, and ran to his side.  
  
What's going on out there?! Colonel O'Neill yelled.  
  
Oh, nothing much, Daniel called back. Just a random mummy sucking the life out of Teal'c. Nothing you need to worry about!  
  
Captain Carter shouted.  
  
Kill it! O'Neill ordered.  
  
I think we did, sir! Daniel replied.  
  
Marie shook her head and sent Dr. Jackson a look. No mortal weapons can kill him.  
  
I would hardly call the Zat guns mortal!  
  
She huffed. Just come over here and help me with Teal'c!  
  
Daniel rushed over. How is he? Then he caught his breath as he looked at his friend. Teal'c's flesh was shriveled and shrunken, as though he hadn't eaten in months. The Jaffa was groaning as Marie examined him, looking for any major wounds.  
  
Teal'c's mouth moved, but no sound came out. Daniel got down on his knees and leaned over in order to better hear. Teal'c rasped. I fearit has been injured. He stiffened, and seemed to pass out.  
  
Daniel said, looking up into Marie's eyes. He thinks his larval Goa'uld got hurt.  
  
Marie looked horrified for a second, then closed her eyes and started singing. _Dareka ga machi no dokoka de hitori naite-ru_ (Somewhere in the city, alone, someone is crying) / _Dareka ga machi no dokoka de yoru ga tsurai_ (Somewhere in the city, someone has a trying night) / _Koi wo suru tabi ni kizu-tsuki yasuku_ (It's so easy to get hurt when you're in love Daniel actually wasn't sure how he understood the words; he hadn't felt Marie's mind contact his.  
  
As she sang, a warm pink glow suffused her hands, and she passed them over Teal'c's body, continuing to sing. Daniel watched as Teal'c returned to normal, his flesh rehydrating. His breathing became deeper and even, and he opened his eyes.  
  
I am well again, he said, sitting up. But I do not know how.  
  
I healed you, Marie answered. There were tiny beads of sweat standing out on her forehead, and her voice sounded a little scratchy, as though her throat were dry. Daniel worried for a moment that her magic singing was quickly wearing her out.  
  
Teal'c put a hand to his chest, as if making sure he was intact. He looked over at Marie. I thank you, Marie Onosaka, he said simply.  
  
Imhotep, meanwhile, had slowly climbed back up the rope. Daniel aimed his Zat gun, ready to fire again, but the mummy raised a hand, and the firearm flew from Daniel's grasp and landed in the sand. With a glance at Marie and Teal'c, the archaeologist dived for it, but was knocked back by an invisible force acting on him.  
  
Daniel, he has psychokinetic powers! Marie called. I don't think you can——  
  
he shouted, scrambling to his feet.  
  
  
  
Fire! Mummies are especially vulnerable to fire! Or at least they were in First Edition; I don't know if they are anymore  
  
She nodded. They still are! She closed her eyes, thinking. Fire songfire song  
  
Hurry up! he shouted, edging away from Imhotep. The mummy suddenly leapt forward and grabbed the Zat gun, aiming it at the terrified archaeologist standing before him. Oh, shit! Daniel shrieked.  
  
Marie cried triumphantly. _Koi wa kageki ga ii wa_ (Extreme love is good) / _Amai kotoba wa iya yo_ (Sweet words are bad) / _Yume ni oboreru mae ni _(Before I indulge my dreams) / _Hitomi moyashite Go mad love_ (Burning eyes, go mad love)  
  
Daniel noticed that as she sang, Imhotep did nothing. He was not frozen in place; he merely seemed to be motionless by choice. _I wonder if this happens whenever she sings,'_ Daniel thought. _If so, it's a GOOD thing!'_  
  
As Marie reached the refrain, she pointed a finger at Imhotep, and a wall of fire sprung up from the ground beneath him. He danced back, but another wall sprouted, blocking him. He roared in frustration and agony, and biting flies poured from his gaping maw.  
  
Marie cried, sending another chain lightning bolt through the swarm.  
  
Colonel O'Neill staggered out of the tent and towards them, pulling his jacket back on. What's been going on? —What the hell is that thing?!  
  
That's the mummy Imhotep, sir! Marie cried, continuing to cast lightning bolts and occasionally sending a fireball in Imhotep's direction.  
  
O'Neill watched her, slack-jawed, but did not comment. Instead, he dashed back to the tent and grabbed his gun from where it had been dropped on the desert floor. He whirled around and emptied a few rounds into Imhotep.  
  
Colonel O'Neill, sir, that's not going to work! Marie shouted. No mortal weapons can kill him!  
  
O'Neill yelled, and continued to fire.  
  
Captain Carter popped out of the tent just as Imhotep blasted O'Neill backwards, and the two of them collided and landed on the ground in a sprawling heap. Carter was the first to extricate herself, and she shook herself and stared past Imhotep, her eyes and mouth wide with horror. Daniel glanced at where she was staring, just in time to see Heru-ur and several Horus Guards come out of the Stargate.  
  
Things were going from very bad to much worse.  



	5. Chapter Five

**CHAPTER 5 MORE GOA'ULD?! AAGH!!  
**

  
Heru-ur spotted SG-1 and Imhotep and broke into a run, his guards jogging behind him.  
  
Daniel cried. He turned to Imhotep, pointing at the advancing Goa'uld and Jaffa. Hey, look! People whose souls you can steal! And there are more of them than of us! He tore off in the opposite direction.  
  
Marie shrieked, following him. Teal'c glanced at Heru-ur and his entourage, then took off running after Daniel and Marie. Carter and O'Neill, not wanting to be run over, had no choice but to pick themselves up and run with the rest of their team.  
  
**STOP THEM!** Heru-ur roared in Egyptian, and Daniel heard staff-weapons being fired. Blasts of force hit the ground under his feet, and he was thrown forward and landed face-first in the sand. He guessed from Marie's cry that a similar thing had happened to her.  
  
Ahead of them, Teal'c paused and turned around to help them up. Catch up with Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter, he directed. I will draw away fire. He aimed his staff-weapon and shot.  
  
As he scrambled up, Daniel could not help but glance back, and he saw Imhotep suspend one of the Horus guards in the air. The Jaffa screamed as his life energy and vital fluids were sucked out, and the sparse flesh hanging on the mummy's frame rippled and increased. It was rather sickening. Daniel turned away and continued running before his gorge could rise any further.  
  
Colonel O'Neill suddenly doubled over, panting. Captain Carter skidded to a halt next to him and pulled on his arm, but he waved her away. I'm tired, God-damn it! Daniel heard him say. You know why!  
  
Sir, you have to keep going! she insisted. She looked back over her shoulder, to where Imhotep continued to draw sustenance from one of the Horus Guards while the remaining ones futilely fired on him. Heru-ur aimed his blasty-thing at the mummy and sent him hurtling back, but Imhotep recovered quickly and stole some of the System Lord's life-essence. Heru-ur reeled in shock and pain, furious that Imhotep had dared do such a thing.  
  
**How dare you, worm!** he snarled in Egyptian. **Bow before your god!!**  
  
_And what god might that be?_ Imhotep rasped.  
  
**I am Heru-ur, son of Ra and Hathor! You will be punished for your insolence, mortal!!**  
  
Imhotep did a double take, then fell to his knees in mock obeisance. _Oh my Lord, how can I be of service?_ Despite the distance and Imhotep's lack of vocal cords, Daniel could hear the sarcasm dripping from his voice. _May I suggest we destroy those infidels?_ He pointed at SG-1, who had slowed down when the Horus Guards had stopped firing on them.  
  
Shit! Keep going! Daniel yelled, but Marie dashed towards where their foes were gathered. MARIE!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE ANCIENTS D'YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!!?  
  
She didn't respond to him; instead, she took a deep breath and began belting out a song. _Pappara funi-funi, pappara hoé-hoé / Pappara funi-funi, tamago! / Pappara funi-funi, pappara hoé-hoé / Yaita-ra kagechatta! / Pappara funi-funi, pappara hoé-hoé / Pappara funi-funi, o-imo! / Pappara funi-funi, pappara hoé-hoé / Yudeta-ra togechatta!_ Heru-ur, his surviving guards, and Imhotep let out wails of agony and clutched at the sides of their head. Marie kept singing, slowly advancing on them.  
  
She was about to begin the second verse when a ring of naquadah popped out of the ground and hovered about seven feet high, followed by several others. Daniel immediately recognised it as a Goa'uld teleporter, but tried to quell his fear; maybe it was Tok'ra coming to their aid. A light flashed within the rings, and they descended back into the sand. Standing between SG-1 and the group of Goa'uld, Jaffa, and mummy were two people dressed in Egyptian-style robes, flanked by four Lion Guards.  
  
Lion Guards?! Captain Carter cried. I've never seen any of those before!  
  
Daniel, however, felt his heart plummet to his feet. He was sure he recognised the backside of one of the non-Jaffa. Oh, God, no, he moaned. It was a trap! Skaara was never exorcised!  
  
Marie cried.  
  
Heru-ur pointed at the newcomers. **There is the son of Apophis! Seize him!**  
  
the female Goa'uld bellowed, and the advancing Jaffa halted. **I am the System Lord Sekhmet. This is my consort, Klorel. You have trespassed on my domain. For that you shall pay dearly!**  
  
**What of the slaves who came before us?!** Heru-ur snarled, pointing beyond her to where SG-1 stood, petrified.  
  
Sekhmet and Klorel glanced back, and Daniel felt cold sweat break out on his face as he locked gazes with the Goa'uld prince. But then Klorel winked at him.  
  
Daniel did a double-take. Had he really just seen that?  
  
**Calm down, SG-1,** came a familiar voice in his head. **This is merely a disguise. Skaara-kun and I are here to kick Heru-ur's ass up, down, and all around.**  
  
_Kali!!'_ he thought, nearly floating with relief.  
  
Heru-ur's face hardened. **Sekhmet? I have never heard of you.**  
  
**Haven't you? You insult me!** Then, with a leonine roar, she leapt forward before the Horus Guards could react and threw an _ofuda_ at Heru-ur's head.  
  
Heru-ur fell back, screaming in pain, just as Klorel had. His Horus Guards, unsure of what else to do, fired on Sekhmet, but the blasts bounced off a faint blue forcefield in front of her as she laughed and pointed at them.  
  
Daniel sprinted over to Klorel'. Are you really Skaara? he panted.  
  
The young man nodded, grinning. Kali possesses great powers of disguise, does she not? he replied. I can appear as a Goa'uld if I so wish. He inhaled, threw his shoulders back, and his eyes glowed. **It is all illusion.**  
  
Who are the Lion Guards? Dr. Jackson asked, gesturing at one of them.  
  
The one who had been pointed at opened his helmet to reveal a young man with wild red hair and pointed, catlike ears. _Hajimemashite_, Dr. Jackson, he said, with a foolish grin.  
  
Uh, hi, Daniel responded, confused. Are you another ThunderCat?  
  
The cleansing of Heru-ur finished. The erstwhile host stood back up, put a hand to his head, and looked around him in shock. What just happened? he cried in Hebrew. The creature in my head—it's—gone!  
  
My lord! one of the Horus Guards said in Egyptian, opening his helmet. What has happened to you?  
  
The human man shook his head slowly, gazing at the Jaffa next to him as if he thought the guard wasn't really there. am notyour lord, he said in halting Egyptian. That oneis gone.  
  
Well, I guess I'll have to clean this up, Sekhmet said, morphing into Kali. It might take a while. Oh, Teal'c— She turned around and faced the Jaffa member of SG-1. Your wife is in childbed. Do you want to go to her or anything?  
  
Teal'c's eyes widened. I—I do. He glanced at the other members of the team. But I am afraid that is not possible. I have an obligation on this world.  
  
Oh, just go, Kali called, leading bemused Horus Guards to the Stargate. I'll cover for you.  
  
Teal'c blinked and thought a moment. Then he bowed his head to Kali. Thank you! He dashed toward the Stargate and activated it.  
  
Wait—WHAT ABOUT IMHOTEP!? Marie screeched, looking over to where the mummy was loitering angrily.  
  
Find the Book of Amon-Re! Kali replied.  
  
Thanks, that's a lot of help! Marie cried. Can't _you_ do something about him?!  
  
Ahh! Imhotep! the red-haired Lion Guard cried, spotting him. _Go-shimpai naku! Ore wa yorokonde taosu zo!!_ He fired his staff-weapon.  
  
_Teal'c-san wa mou sono koto wo yatte-mita yo—!_ Marie shouted, then threw up her arms in frustration.  
  
Imhotep was struck by the blast and stepped back involuntarily, but rebounded and aimed his newly-acquired Zat gun at the Lion Guard. The man in question yelled in surprise, then dropped his staff-weapon and began running in circles. Imhotep, unable to simultaneously aim the gun at a moving target and figure out how to fire it, roared in frustration and shot Daniel.  
  
Pain beyond anything he had ever experienced wracked the archaeologist's body. It was even worse than when Sha'uri—or rather, Amaunet—had used her blasty-thing on him and knocked him unconscious, because that had been limited to one area of his body. He screamed and fell down, twitching.  
  
Through a veil of agony, as though far away, he heard Marie's cry of rage and anguish. He heard a whooshing sound and then a muffled explosion, and saw in his peripheral vision that Imhotep was struck by an invisible force and hurled back end-over-end. Then, faintly, he heard the sound of a Zat gun being fired, twice, then a third time. Imhotep roared, but his cry was cut off as his body dissolved.  
  
Slowly, the pain began to subside. Daniel willed his quivering muscles to hold still and took a deep breath, then another. He lay on the sand for what seemed an eternal minute, then gradually sat up. He gasped at what he saw.  
  
Marie lay on the sand, still and deathly pale. Captain Carter was leaning over her, checking for a pulse, and Colonel O'Neill was rushing toward him.  
  
Dr. Jackson! Are you all right?! the colonel cried.  
  
he moaned in response.   
  
You should be in a bit, O'Neill assured him. Here, let me help you up.  
  
M-Marie—is she—all right?! Daniel called, hobbling over to where the two women were.  
  
Captain Carter looked up at him, her face grim. I don't know what she just did, but whatever it was, it knocked her out. It's going to be quite a while before she wakes up. I only hope there isn't any brain damage.  
  
Daniel looked around, his head throbbing slightly every time his eyes moved in their sockets. What happened to Skaara and the Lion Guards? he asked.  
  
I don't know, O'Neill told him. Kali looked back just before she went through the Stargate, and made a gesture, and they all just disappeared.  
  
At any rate, we need to get Ms. Onosaka back to the SGC as soon as possible, Carter stated. Daniel, could you go back to Earth and tell Dr. Fraiser to come here with a team of paramedics?  
  
Colonel O'Neill glanced at Dr. Jackson. I'll do it, he volunteered. You two stay here with her. I'll be right back. He turned and ran off towards the Stargate.  
  
Oh, God, Marie, Daniel whispered, kneeling next to her and taking one of her hands in his. Please be all right.  
  
In the space of five minutes, Colonel O'Neill returned with doctors in tow. Marie was lifted onto a stretcher and carried back through the Stargate to Earth. Through it all, Daniel never let go of her hand.  
  


——————  


  
Daniel glanced at his watch and sighed. It was past 11:30, and he was tired. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, and would have drifted off to sleep if the whisper of his name had not caught his attention.  
  
He opened his eyes and looked down at Marie, lying on the medical room bed. She was still a little pale, and the various tubes and electrodes hooked up to her looked supremely uncomfortable, but her eyes were open and she was smiling slightly.  
  
I'm glad you're awake, Daniel said softly, leaning over her. How do you feel?  
  
Mmm. Tired, she replied. She sighed and closed her eyes. I had no idea manifesting _Detonation_ would deal that much subdual damage to me.  
  
Co-come again? he said, perplexed.  
  
She opened her eyes and glanced at him, and her smile widened. D&D terminology. I'll explain it to you later.  
  
There was the sound of a footfall in the doorway, and Daniel looked up. Teal'c stood there, his hands clasped behind his back in his normal stance, but with a look of pride on his face.  
  
Hello, Teal'c, Daniel said, and Marie murmured a similar greeting. How did it go?  
  
I have a daughter, the Jaffa replied.  
  
Well, congratulations! That's great! Daniel said, getting up and walking over to clap Teal'c on the shoulder. So it went all right?  
  
Teal'c nodded. Drey'auc and I have named her Eleyhenia. It means freeborn' in the language of the Land of Light.  
  
What a pretty name, Marie commented quietly.  
  
Teal'c strode over to her bedside. I was told you were badly injured. It is good to see that you have recovered to an extent.  
  
Marie squirmed under her sheets and managed to prop herself up on her pillows, despite Daniel's urging her to stay lying down. What happened was, I concentrated all my mental energy into a powerful blast, and nearly destroyed Imhotep. But the backlash knocked me unconscious. At least, that's what I'm assuming happened. All I remember is blasting Imhotep, then everything went dark for a long time.  
  
Daniel nodded. Colonel O'Neill finished Imhotep off with his Zat gun, then went back through the Stargate to get a medical team for you. Access to P4X-718 has been declared restricted until further notice.  
  
Marie said. I would have liked to visit the ThunderCats some more, now that I know about what to expect.  
  
Well, in time, maybe you can. He sighed and brushed a lock of hair behind his ear. Oh, God, I'm just so glad you're all right! He bent over and embraced her. She was surprised for a moment, but then returned the hug. After about thirty seconds, they broke apart, and Daniel sat back down, nervously taking off his glasses and polishing them.  
  
Marie smiled and shifted in her bed so that she was lying on her side, and propped her head up on her arm. I think I'm going to teach you guys how to play D she announced. Teal'c raised an eyebrow and looked down at her, amused. Daniel chuckled and put his glasses back on.  
  
That would be great, he said.  
  


**THE END  
(of this story)  
  
More to come in the next installment: HEIR CONDITIONING  
**


End file.
